Plodding along

The problem with blogging is you have to remember to not forget to update the blog. I'm guessing I'm kinda crap at that. My life flows along, sometimes via a tempest, other times a calm breeze, other time at a dead stand still. Such is the existence of being.
The last few weeks have been crap as the fog in my head continues to invade most areas of my life. Forgetting, mistaken, confused these are all states of being that I seem to frequent despite not wanting too. I'll sit down, blink it seems, and hours have passed, the list of things to do still in my hand forgotten. Or I'll awaken so motivated, burst out of bed, get distracted and pain will arrive like the visitor you never want. All good intentions railroaded for the time being.
And then there are the mind visitors. Depression, loneliness, anxiety, worthlessness all arrive, sometimes together, sometimes in sequence. I am reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert and the way she describes the low period in her life clicked so much with how I am feeling. I want to call her and say thank you for giving me a voice with your words. I can finally describe what I am feeling. For weeks I've felt gagged, constrained by the ties of emotion. I feel so emoted.
We got a rescue puppy to keep me company, to help me focus on the outside of my life. He is warm, fuzzy, headstrong and Higgjns. My hands and forearms are covered with scratches and bites as he progresses into the chewing faze. He has a plethora of chew toys to choose from but he seems to like me best. It is so nice to have someone else for everyone, myself included, to focus on.

Acupuncture today. I'm not sure it does anything really, save give me time for a twenty minute nap. Saw my physiotherapist who seems really pleased with my progress. My lumbar region is beginning to loosen up finally. The stiffness still persists but it seems to be getter a bit easier to isolate movement in the para spinals, particularly on the left side. Practice, practice, practice...
My obsession with Etsy and online crafting continues. My favourites list is ever growing and I may soon have to put a cap on what I purchase! I am so excited to get a home so we can decorate it with all the lovely things I keep finding. Material, dishes, ornaments. Beautiful clothing and jewellery. Etsy is a treasury of creativity, a spring board for hopes and dreams. I love perusing the handmade items.
I also for some reason have become quite focused on eco clothing. And the raw food movement. Although I'm still eating meat, I'm hoping that post surgery, when I am truly on the mend I will be able to have a more raw diet. I just received Sarma Melngalis' uncook book from Indigo books and the recipes, excerpts and photographs have me dreaming of a succulent, plant based summer. As with anything, it's all about balance and organization. The fog in my head which has for so long impeded my progress seems to be lessening somewhat.

things I like aka want

http://www.juteandjackfruit.com/Feral_Childe_Pocket_Cardigan_p/fc403.htm

http://www.mymuworld.com/products/THE-IONIAN/CALYPSO%20:%20MYMU%20EXCLUSIVE/

http://www.shopbop.com/mariel-crisscross-sandals-dolce-vita/vp/v=1/845524441859510.htm

https://store.missionsavvy.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=SS10INKLDEW

http://www.piecesofagirl.com/earrings/Ear-G-Pagoda.html

http://stores.shopbodypolitic.ca/-strse-218/yoga-jeans%2C-super-skinny/Detail.bok

http://round.myshopify.com/products/disc-hoops-small-brass

http://www.reborn.ws/shop/ArielleDePinto/

http://www.thievesboutique.com/Thieves-Clothing-Spine-Dress-60.html



Nice to dream in colours, in fabrics. Must remember to buy lottery ticket.

http://www.daggandstacey.com/Collections.aspx#

http://us.burberry.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3918914&cp=3965371.3963274.3965396&parentPage=family

Conqueror

Sunny and warm outsidse today. Too bad I am stuck inside. I wish venturing out wasn't such a big deal but it is. I have to psyche myelf up fr it big time. The cars, the movement, the people. Truly frightens me. Since that day where I flew ito the air and landed on my life as I knew it everything has changed. I'm not the person I was pre-accident. I'm not as brave. And I feel like such a phony. My body seems foreign to me, a stranger wearing me and my skin. Before, this vessel of movement was me. I worked out, ate right, paid people to care for it. I swam like a fish, I explored the world, just you are supposed to when you are young.
But now, fear. My mantra was fear is the mind killer. Baby Steps. soon all this will be a blip in my life.
A friend offered to come over so I'm going outside. To go to the bank and drycleaners. Get some vitamin D.
Hopefully if we get a puppy, I'll feel braver, not alone. A smart, personable northern dog to train and love. A rescued dog to maybe rescue me from that day when I flew.

The beginning

As I sit here, listening to ambient, waiting for breakfast, the window is being attacked by tiny raindrops, hundreds of them. The noise is deafening and rendering me headache bound. Perhaps the warped sleep schedule may be contributing to this state or the myriad of things on my plate at the mo. Enough to overwhelm even the most stalwart player, I think sometimes.
To recover: recovery. Re-cover: to cover one's self after the surface has been stripped away. Even the word recovery is about growth I suppose. I am making good progress - this is for sure. My endurance, my tolerance is good. I wish there was a guide book for recovering from a traumatic life event. what sights to see, what to avoid, the most frequently traveled route. How to keep it real without venturing too deep into the unknown.