6AM – day of the wedding. The surf is pounding to the quiet beat of Lightning Dust. Wish I’d seen them live, but seeing as we are now in their home province maybe I could call them up, ask them to busk somewhere so I could sit on a bench nearby and listen. Hmmmm….
The morning was spent on the big tree trail. Tofino is in an inlet, filled with small, jewel like islands. It is also in the Clayquout Sound Biosphere, which is classified as a rain forest. You can feel it all around you – on your skin, which is so soft here, to wafting into your nostrils as the most intoxicating perfume ever. My urban lungs are powerless to resist such a powerful entity that I succumb entirely to it’s hypnotic power, and I float around in a blessed out cloud, at one with nature. Damn smog. It leaves me defenseless to the natural environment.
The big tree trail was accessible only by boat, a 10 minute ride through the mountains to a cove. The weather was fantastic – warm sun, clear day, not much wind. We arrived at the rocky access point to the forest. The Nordic hiking poles my Dad bought me proved invaluable, as they allowed me to navigate the hilly, moist, boardwalk, providing support and traction.
The forest was crisp and beautiful, with majestic old trees soaring overtop, a dark green tinted with golden sunlight against a sky blue. Truly beautiful. The air was thick with the smell of the bark and earth. The calls of birds provided backdrop to the chicanery and giggling that comes with hiking with your friends. Eliav found a Douglas fir to fall in love with. Tim caught our spirits with his camera, but ultimately catalogued our delight at the incredible environment of the forest. Trees so big we could crawl through to stand at the middle. Eliav, when trying to scrabble out of the tree, caught stuck in the trunk as his blackberry was hooked on a branch (?????). We have the pictures to prove it.
Although I kept my glance down, to watch my footing, I was filled with elation that I was actually capable of doing this. A year ago, in my hospital bed, I would have never thought I’d be able to go on vacation, let alone find myself hiking a West Coast trail!
T and A lent us the car for the afternoon, so we went to a local eatery, that I had found last time I was on, to feast on a hearty seafood chowder. I got Erick a surf t-shirt from an espresso shop and Erick inquired into surf lessons for Saturday. We headed to town and say on a patio by the main road, chatting with the E’s as they worked on schoolwork that couldn’t be ignored.
Most of the wedding guests arrived today and convened on the lodge deck for a BBQ, and meet and great. I finally met some of A’s friends who I’d heard so much about. Saw some old faces, which I realized I still didn’t know how to talk to.
My social anxiety crept in around dinnertime. I had to leave the party and go back to my room so I could cry like a baby and purge the mounting anxiety I’d been feeling socializing. With PTSD, the fear can creep in any time. So many of A’s friends told me they’d heard so much about me. This struck a chord, as I assumed they’d meant the accident. Not something I had wanted to be known for. My career goals, fuelled by my disappointment at my predicament fueled together to render me a sobbing wreck. This sorrow, it overtakes me till I barely recognize myself. Convinced I was a bad person because the accident had occurred, I blubbered to Erick that I clearly deserved what had happened to me. Erick, being the incredible person he is, built me back up, he allowed me to cry all over him, said exactly the right thing and got me to smile sooner rather than later. After a calming cigarette, we rejoined the party.
I chatted to many new and old people. The lodge served the most sinfully fantastic cookies at around nine PM, and thankfully, the rum in my drink was Sailor Jerry.
I finally met Kyla. We chatted about traveling, knitting, her Etsy store and growing up in BC. She asked me about the Shed Project, Bindu and the Diamond Cutters writing workshop. Neat chick.
Wedding tomorrow. But first, morning yoga class, which was put together by Caroline, who is my fantastic Thai masseuse, a talented yogi and even better friend. Then back to the lodge to primp and get dressed at Ariella’s cabin. Then the ceremony, followed by dinner at the lodge and the party afterwards. Such a busy, awesome day packed with love and light and socializing and imbibing and dancing and posing.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
VACAY DAY 1
Pitch black outside. The sound of the roaring, rolling surf filtering in my open window. The air smells so fresh, so clean. Like a drug.
By a limo to a big plane to a little plane we arrived in Tofino, BC by mid afternoon. I’m still in a daze. So much planning, nail biting, healing, praying and now, here we are.
ON VACATION.
The wedding is the day after tomorrow. We were the first guests to arrive. We figured taking an extra day to settle in was wise given the frenzy of arrivals that will monopolize tomorrow. A. and her mum are taking us to the big tree trail tomorrow morning on a nearby island, to walk along a boardwalk and take in the soaring cathedral like trees of the coast line.
The last time we went away, we went to Egypt to dive in the Red Sea. Absolute heaven and tranquil calm awaited us under the sea. Exploding colour and serenity with so much marine life, we would sometimes just float in the ebb and flow of the current. One of the best parts was the chance to adventure independently, at our own pace. The second half of our trip we journeyed up the Nile and were taken back in time to the time of the pharaohs. Spent our last week in Rome – eating, walking, shopping and more walking. 3 weeks of ancient wonder.
Tofino is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Small fishing town with stellar surf, nestled on a bay below the rain forest of Clayquot Sound. The craggy mountains and rocky shores, with big majestic redwoods and Douglas fir, moody gray and silver toned sky. There is so much natural beauty. It’s mind blowing.
E’s never been to Vancouver Island. Only half a day spent here, and already he’s in love with the rain forest and ocean. I doubt it would take much convincing for him to consider moving our life out here.
My back has been acting up all day, due, I think, to the cramped sitting on both flights. Lounged in T-botz’s hot tub, took an easy stroll along the beach, sipped some honey mead. Resting in bed while E joined the families for dinner in town. I’m too sore to go along. I am worried that this will be a common theme this week. Unfortunately I don’t have the crazy endurance that I did the last time I was here.
I love the sound of the ocean beating against the shore. So lulling, so captivating. I love falling asleep to the sounds and hissing of the ocean. I’m thinking of renting a wetsuit and bobbing about in the shallows while Erick has his surfing lessons. Hydrotherapy and negative ions = optimal health.
By a limo to a big plane to a little plane we arrived in Tofino, BC by mid afternoon. I’m still in a daze. So much planning, nail biting, healing, praying and now, here we are.
ON VACATION.
The wedding is the day after tomorrow. We were the first guests to arrive. We figured taking an extra day to settle in was wise given the frenzy of arrivals that will monopolize tomorrow. A. and her mum are taking us to the big tree trail tomorrow morning on a nearby island, to walk along a boardwalk and take in the soaring cathedral like trees of the coast line.
The last time we went away, we went to Egypt to dive in the Red Sea. Absolute heaven and tranquil calm awaited us under the sea. Exploding colour and serenity with so much marine life, we would sometimes just float in the ebb and flow of the current. One of the best parts was the chance to adventure independently, at our own pace. The second half of our trip we journeyed up the Nile and were taken back in time to the time of the pharaohs. Spent our last week in Rome – eating, walking, shopping and more walking. 3 weeks of ancient wonder.
Tofino is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. Small fishing town with stellar surf, nestled on a bay below the rain forest of Clayquot Sound. The craggy mountains and rocky shores, with big majestic redwoods and Douglas fir, moody gray and silver toned sky. There is so much natural beauty. It’s mind blowing.
E’s never been to Vancouver Island. Only half a day spent here, and already he’s in love with the rain forest and ocean. I doubt it would take much convincing for him to consider moving our life out here.
My back has been acting up all day, due, I think, to the cramped sitting on both flights. Lounged in T-botz’s hot tub, took an easy stroll along the beach, sipped some honey mead. Resting in bed while E joined the families for dinner in town. I’m too sore to go along. I am worried that this will be a common theme this week. Unfortunately I don’t have the crazy endurance that I did the last time I was here.
I love the sound of the ocean beating against the shore. So lulling, so captivating. I love falling asleep to the sounds and hissing of the ocean. I’m thinking of renting a wetsuit and bobbing about in the shallows while Erick has his surfing lessons. Hydrotherapy and negative ions = optimal health.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Calm before the storm
539AM. Cannot sleep. Team conference today. Everyone is meeting to discuss my path of care - PT, OT, SW, Masseuse, Bill from OV. The adjuster from BD. I'm hoping not all of this conference will be spent addressing ongoing issues with the adjuster. This is supposed to be about my care but there have been so many problems with this adjuster that my care is becoming impacted. Delayed responses to Tx plans or no response at all. Repeated mistakes, odd denials of Tx vs. odd approvals of Tx - no sense to it. Never returning phone calls. Seems to dislike reading reports. No payments received. It would be easy to label this woman incompetent but no one is sure if that is the issue. Is all this delay, this headache indicative of the insurance business or is this delay being orchestrated purposely by the insurance company. So frustrating. Back when I was discharged from Bridgepoint, Holly suggested a tempurpedic mattress would be easier to sleep on and improve circulation while decreasing stiffness. Dr Ahn wrote me a prescription, the Tx plan was sent off and we waited. The obligatory 10 days for BD to respond came and went with no answer. Holly phoned, left messages and e-mails still no answer. Almost 3 weeks later Holly got a hold of the adjuster who stated she had never received the Tx plan. When she checked the fax - lo and behold! - there it was sitting there, along with many other Tx plans for myself. The adjuster never checked the fax.
Eventually appproval was granted. Still no check. Holly called to arrange delivery of the mattress and to set up a bill. Holly called the adjuster, was told she has sent the check to Holly's office. when Holly checked the address the adjuster had, it was wrong. Holly gave the correct address, double checked what had been been noted and waited. Still no payment. The adjuster had sent the check to the wrong address again. The lawyers got involved. TWO MONTHS after I had obtained the RX, I finally got my bed.
I also received a Rx for a recliner, as I could sit on any of the chairs and the couch currently in the living room. Seeing as this was where I would pass most of my day, Holly decided to put in a Tx plan for the chair. We went ahead and bought it, because I had no where comfortable to sit. The response finally came a few months later. Denied because the reason for it was not understood. The adjuster paid for an independent OT to come and assess my need for such a chair. He arrived with no background, no list of injuries, no history of the accident. All he was given was one page from another persons chart. Once he saw my state and read though some of our copies of the reports he agreed completely with the Rx and state he would give approval for the chair. To this day, we have heard nothing.
This whole predicament has me thankful that I have a legal team who advocates for me. I never have to deal with the adjuster. I could not imagine being in the condition I was upon discharge and then having to start chasing the insurance company for benefits. This stressor would have had a serious impact on my mental health, but especially on Erick's as he would have most likely dealt with it when I was too upset. The MBI clinic the nurse clinician told me that insurance was a big issue at this clinic. Some Pt's are discharged with no lawyer, no community support and have to start dealing with the insurance. I cannot imagine what this is like and whenever I get frustrated with my lawyers or care givers I try to remember how lucky I am to have them advocating and caring for me.
With the changes brought in on September 1st, insurance has changed drastically - much has been taken away from consumers. Yet no one would know this unless they pay attention to this area, or they are dependent on the insurance companies. The pay out for non-CAT pt's has been slashed in half. Attendant care, housekeeping and anything involved with the home etc. is now extra. Before, these benefits were not taken from the maximum amount of the policy. not it is being deducted from the total amount given. If the public knew just how much was being taken away from them, I think they would be furious. But because this is accessible only when the worst happens, no one thinks about it or pays attention. So typically human.
Eventually appproval was granted. Still no check. Holly called to arrange delivery of the mattress and to set up a bill. Holly called the adjuster, was told she has sent the check to Holly's office. when Holly checked the address the adjuster had, it was wrong. Holly gave the correct address, double checked what had been been noted and waited. Still no payment. The adjuster had sent the check to the wrong address again. The lawyers got involved. TWO MONTHS after I had obtained the RX, I finally got my bed.
I also received a Rx for a recliner, as I could sit on any of the chairs and the couch currently in the living room. Seeing as this was where I would pass most of my day, Holly decided to put in a Tx plan for the chair. We went ahead and bought it, because I had no where comfortable to sit. The response finally came a few months later. Denied because the reason for it was not understood. The adjuster paid for an independent OT to come and assess my need for such a chair. He arrived with no background, no list of injuries, no history of the accident. All he was given was one page from another persons chart. Once he saw my state and read though some of our copies of the reports he agreed completely with the Rx and state he would give approval for the chair. To this day, we have heard nothing.
This whole predicament has me thankful that I have a legal team who advocates for me. I never have to deal with the adjuster. I could not imagine being in the condition I was upon discharge and then having to start chasing the insurance company for benefits. This stressor would have had a serious impact on my mental health, but especially on Erick's as he would have most likely dealt with it when I was too upset. The MBI clinic the nurse clinician told me that insurance was a big issue at this clinic. Some Pt's are discharged with no lawyer, no community support and have to start dealing with the insurance. I cannot imagine what this is like and whenever I get frustrated with my lawyers or care givers I try to remember how lucky I am to have them advocating and caring for me.
With the changes brought in on September 1st, insurance has changed drastically - much has been taken away from consumers. Yet no one would know this unless they pay attention to this area, or they are dependent on the insurance companies. The pay out for non-CAT pt's has been slashed in half. Attendant care, housekeeping and anything involved with the home etc. is now extra. Before, these benefits were not taken from the maximum amount of the policy. not it is being deducted from the total amount given. If the public knew just how much was being taken away from them, I think they would be furious. But because this is accessible only when the worst happens, no one thinks about it or pays attention. So typically human.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Aftermath
The last day has flitted by in a blur. Situation with a friend reached a nasty rolling boil. Emotions raging, I ranted at a keyboard, poured the acidic bile out of my heart and mind, to see if I could make sense of the cloudy mirk staring me in the face, from a too bright screen. I fell out of my chair and sent an e-mail that was never to be sent. A volcano of hurtful reactions was hurtled back at me and I cannot really blame the poor soul. I sent him quite the bitch slap. Course, he backhanded bitch slapped me and everything fell apart. Good thing my level headed man friend stepped in and smoothed things over. Bless him. Still reeling, but not as fast.
All week I've been sitting more than doing, slothing more than being productive. This happens all too often. It's like my body goes on strike and waits for my mind to slow down. Fatigue is an enemy of rehab. Suc a fine balance - I have to push myself to make limits more pliable, but push too far and I fall with a crash. I tackled a 30 day yoga challenge a while back. Pre-hard ware removal I had begun doing yoga to calm my mind and increase my flexibility, while strengthening my core. Days 1 to 4 were filled with savasanna, light poses and easy, breezy sun salutations, slow like molasses. On day 5 I decided to try a yoga video I had bought online for 21.5.800. Threw myself in with vigorous aplomb but forgot my flotation device. I could barely walk due to too long in pigeon pose, my lower back and gluts were on fire. The next 4 days were recovery, massage and self-scouldings to be kinder to myself.
There is such a pressure to perform in rehab, especially for a perfectionist like myself. If I'm progressing each class I get frustrated. This rehab has been so intermittent, stalled and difficult. Not much flow, nothing continuous be it illness, double booking, rescheduling. It is so easy to lose motivation. So easy to fall into depression.
I haven't had a depressive episode in a while. The anniversary of the accident was hard, but I didn't cry as hard as I thought I would. I started cognitive behavioural therapy a few weeks ago. My therapist is kind, empathetic, the most thoughtful person ever, and clearly driven to provide her clients with the most holistic service possible. I have a CBT notebook to take notes in. She wants me to bring her a copy of my manuscript. I may let her read this blog. She suggests books for me to read, even gave me a book for Erick to read, so we could understand trauma together. I see her every other week and I find her sessions helpful. I also have a social worker who I see weekly and a psychiatrist who keeps track of my medications and mood, and encourages me to share my thoughts and feelings regarding care, the accident etc.
I f anything, Anger is the dominant emotion for me currently. I am so mad at so many things it quickly becomes so overwhelming. I get irritable about the silliest things - noise, neighbours, comments E makes, my own mess and disorganization. Scheduling has become a problem,, as I keep forgetting to input plans into my smart phone. Often I'll get calls asking if plans still work, and I have forgotten all about them. My memory is terrible. Anything short term is very difficult to recall. ith long term memories, not so much. It becomes so frustrating and I often feel that I can't seem to keep my life balanced and in check. Holly my OT and I have been working on strategies, such as carrying my smart phone, med dosette and keys in a pocket. Problem is, have the time I forget to do this, or I misplace the jacket etc. where I put all my vital items. We got a keyless door lock so that I do not have to worry about keys. Sometimes I forget the code but mostly the lock has worked out well.
Sleep continues to be an issue. It is 4AM as I write this post. My eyes are heavy, my body tired yet still I can't drop off to sleep.Late nights seem to become late starts and then my day is all out of whack, all my plans get diverted by my fatigue.
All week I've been sitting more than doing, slothing more than being productive. This happens all too often. It's like my body goes on strike and waits for my mind to slow down. Fatigue is an enemy of rehab. Suc a fine balance - I have to push myself to make limits more pliable, but push too far and I fall with a crash. I tackled a 30 day yoga challenge a while back. Pre-hard ware removal I had begun doing yoga to calm my mind and increase my flexibility, while strengthening my core. Days 1 to 4 were filled with savasanna, light poses and easy, breezy sun salutations, slow like molasses. On day 5 I decided to try a yoga video I had bought online for 21.5.800. Threw myself in with vigorous aplomb but forgot my flotation device. I could barely walk due to too long in pigeon pose, my lower back and gluts were on fire. The next 4 days were recovery, massage and self-scouldings to be kinder to myself.
There is such a pressure to perform in rehab, especially for a perfectionist like myself. If I'm progressing each class I get frustrated. This rehab has been so intermittent, stalled and difficult. Not much flow, nothing continuous be it illness, double booking, rescheduling. It is so easy to lose motivation. So easy to fall into depression.
I haven't had a depressive episode in a while. The anniversary of the accident was hard, but I didn't cry as hard as I thought I would. I started cognitive behavioural therapy a few weeks ago. My therapist is kind, empathetic, the most thoughtful person ever, and clearly driven to provide her clients with the most holistic service possible. I have a CBT notebook to take notes in. She wants me to bring her a copy of my manuscript. I may let her read this blog. She suggests books for me to read, even gave me a book for Erick to read, so we could understand trauma together. I see her every other week and I find her sessions helpful. I also have a social worker who I see weekly and a psychiatrist who keeps track of my medications and mood, and encourages me to share my thoughts and feelings regarding care, the accident etc.
I f anything, Anger is the dominant emotion for me currently. I am so mad at so many things it quickly becomes so overwhelming. I get irritable about the silliest things - noise, neighbours, comments E makes, my own mess and disorganization. Scheduling has become a problem,, as I keep forgetting to input plans into my smart phone. Often I'll get calls asking if plans still work, and I have forgotten all about them. My memory is terrible. Anything short term is very difficult to recall. ith long term memories, not so much. It becomes so frustrating and I often feel that I can't seem to keep my life balanced and in check. Holly my OT and I have been working on strategies, such as carrying my smart phone, med dosette and keys in a pocket. Problem is, have the time I forget to do this, or I misplace the jacket etc. where I put all my vital items. We got a keyless door lock so that I do not have to worry about keys. Sometimes I forget the code but mostly the lock has worked out well.
Sleep continues to be an issue. It is 4AM as I write this post. My eyes are heavy, my body tired yet still I can't drop off to sleep.Late nights seem to become late starts and then my day is all out of whack, all my plans get diverted by my fatigue.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Silent night
Silent Night. Quiet, after a raging thunder storm and sheets of rain.
Today started with a bang over at the shed project. Bindu issued a declaration, a slogan, for the shed project. It is: FUCK YOU!
Naturally someone got offended, drama ensued. A member left, cursing the project. order was restored. Somewhat.
Bindu's provocative slogan resonated into my life today. I literally awoke to a mess in my Inbox. A long time friend screwed us over some long laid plans. Apparently a life long friendship is worth $193 and an inability to organize oneself. I tried so hard to make this seamless, e-mailed, researched, organized and for what. A fuck you to the face. I can't sleep I am so upset.
I spoke to the claims adjuster on my legal team today. The insurance company seems to have stopped paying out what they owe me, and with the team meeting next week I am worried that this meeting, which is supposed to be about me, will end up being about this idiot adjuster's incompetence. Completely unacceptable and it makes me so incredibly angry. To think of how much we've paid into car insurance only to be stonewalled by a farce of am adjuster. My lawyers have to undertake harsher measures to obtain way the insurance
I guess this is what my therapy is for. To help me navigate my way through the stages of grief and loss.To figure out why Erick and I always get screwed, why we seem to be targets for the behaviour of others? I am so tired of dealing with other people's shit. I am really beginning to lose my faith in humanity. I feel so much anger building up inside me. Things need to change.
I have Pilates in a few hours, which is the best part of my week. I just hope I can stay awake for the session.
One of my assets or vices, is I care too much about others. i always put myself out there, open to the issues of others. I try to help, get frustrated when it isn't reciprocated. I think I held on to a certain group of friends too long. That maybe it would be better to let them all go. Make new friends, like I did when I was traveling. The problem with travel friends is once you are home, the context is gone. Harder to stay in tough with friends in their natural habit because they will be different at home. The best part about travel was becoming a different person. Clean slate, no one knows you. You can live completely in the moment, without the weight of the past or future.
It would be wicked to be able to change the way I see things. I see only the failures, which overshadow the richness of experiences and makes everything seem horrible. I wish I could only focus on the good stuff, life's treasured moments. A self goal for this time off, maybe even for the shed project if I can get to it, is to go through all my travel photos and saved mementos from my wander years and make a scrapbook, a record of all the amazing stuff. Learning from the bad stuff, while focusing on the positive.
So far I have thinned my closet, my books, my Cds and Dvds. I want to go through my personal effects. I want to work regularly on my manuscript, beginning with re=reading all the critiques from Diamond Cutters, and making a list of chapters, so I can expand my work. I want to attack the basement, organize and purge the clutter.
Beside her drama llama, Bindu also posted a fantastic post bu a guest writer. http://binduwiles.com/buddhism/the-shed-project-guest-post-from-rebecca-self/
The writer stated that our lives should be filled with stuff we love and cherish and use. Our possessions should make us happy, not stressed. Same is true with our friends. Forget emotional attachment or obligatory stuff, and own only items which allow us to shine and be productive. This outlook, while written within a sad context, spoke to me so clearly. Such an overly simple concept. I am quite preoccupied with this drama of my own but once a solution is found I think I am going to take a good look at what sort of existence I truly have and how to improve it or clean it out.
I am so tired of the inefficiencies of others. It is time for some me time.
Today started with a bang over at the shed project. Bindu issued a declaration, a slogan, for the shed project. It is: FUCK YOU!
Naturally someone got offended, drama ensued. A member left, cursing the project. order was restored. Somewhat.
Bindu's provocative slogan resonated into my life today. I literally awoke to a mess in my Inbox. A long time friend screwed us over some long laid plans. Apparently a life long friendship is worth $193 and an inability to organize oneself. I tried so hard to make this seamless, e-mailed, researched, organized and for what. A fuck you to the face. I can't sleep I am so upset.
I spoke to the claims adjuster on my legal team today. The insurance company seems to have stopped paying out what they owe me, and with the team meeting next week I am worried that this meeting, which is supposed to be about me, will end up being about this idiot adjuster's incompetence. Completely unacceptable and it makes me so incredibly angry. To think of how much we've paid into car insurance only to be stonewalled by a farce of am adjuster. My lawyers have to undertake harsher measures to obtain way the insurance
I guess this is what my therapy is for. To help me navigate my way through the stages of grief and loss.To figure out why Erick and I always get screwed, why we seem to be targets for the behaviour of others? I am so tired of dealing with other people's shit. I am really beginning to lose my faith in humanity. I feel so much anger building up inside me. Things need to change.
I have Pilates in a few hours, which is the best part of my week. I just hope I can stay awake for the session.
One of my assets or vices, is I care too much about others. i always put myself out there, open to the issues of others. I try to help, get frustrated when it isn't reciprocated. I think I held on to a certain group of friends too long. That maybe it would be better to let them all go. Make new friends, like I did when I was traveling. The problem with travel friends is once you are home, the context is gone. Harder to stay in tough with friends in their natural habit because they will be different at home. The best part about travel was becoming a different person. Clean slate, no one knows you. You can live completely in the moment, without the weight of the past or future.
It would be wicked to be able to change the way I see things. I see only the failures, which overshadow the richness of experiences and makes everything seem horrible. I wish I could only focus on the good stuff, life's treasured moments. A self goal for this time off, maybe even for the shed project if I can get to it, is to go through all my travel photos and saved mementos from my wander years and make a scrapbook, a record of all the amazing stuff. Learning from the bad stuff, while focusing on the positive.
So far I have thinned my closet, my books, my Cds and Dvds. I want to go through my personal effects. I want to work regularly on my manuscript, beginning with re=reading all the critiques from Diamond Cutters, and making a list of chapters, so I can expand my work. I want to attack the basement, organize and purge the clutter.
Beside her drama llama, Bindu also posted a fantastic post bu a guest writer. http://binduwiles.com/buddhism/the-shed-project-guest-post-from-rebecca-self/
The writer stated that our lives should be filled with stuff we love and cherish and use. Our possessions should make us happy, not stressed. Same is true with our friends. Forget emotional attachment or obligatory stuff, and own only items which allow us to shine and be productive. This outlook, while written within a sad context, spoke to me so clearly. Such an overly simple concept. I am quite preoccupied with this drama of my own but once a solution is found I think I am going to take a good look at what sort of existence I truly have and how to improve it or clean it out.
I am so tired of the inefficiencies of others. It is time for some me time.
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