Reverb#10 - Day 4

A friend of ours had a "I got my Canadian citizenship, let's PAARTY" party Friday night so I didn't get around to writing about Prompt 4 till the day after. Oops, you'll forgive me won't you? You, you, you, whoever you are! Anyhow, we dressed up in red and white Nordic best, and drank cheap beer, said "eh?!" a lot, and perpetuated the stereotype that Canadians are all a bunch of hosers. Good fun all around.

I had a case meeting this week with My case manager (CM), Occupational therapist (OT), and physiotherapist (PT). We meet to go over current goals and objectives, scheduling, and where do we go from here. It was intense. My schedule was lightened a bit - we decided to stop Pool for now until the new year and then see if drop sessions for AquaFit at Bloorview (a Rehab facility) would work. We also stopped exercise sessions with the PTA and increased the Pilates to three sessions a week. I am going to start seeing a nutritionist weekly, organize my kitchen enough so that I can start cooking regularly again, figure out what the source of my chronic fatigue is, and try and get a handle finally on my pain issues. In short, a tall list.
Which brings me to yesterday's prompt.

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I wouldn't call it wonder, but more amazement. And a hard, cold dose of reality. In Fall of 2009, after the accident, my body was broken, battered, sick and invaded by an infection which pushed my immune system close to the edge. I dropped enough weight to become skeletal. Emotionally I void of feeling. I lived day to day, and some days it was hour to hour. My family rode an emotional roller-coaster that fall - shock, despair, hope, anguish, disbelief, anger, outrage - all these emotions and more plagued those closest to me for months. When I was finally discharged on December 11th came home to an exhausted husband who still had to finish school, pass all sorts of exams and find a job. Not o mention he was now the primary caregiver to a wife who was still sick, broken and very needy of care. I spent most of Christmas on the couch, surrounded by family.

My care team was in place by the New Year. Most of my care was out of home. The winter was spent exercising - I was so weak and atrophied that my PT had to lift my leg for me and I would try to join in. But my care team took over and before long I had someone to talk to, I was medicated for anxiety and depression due to grief and PTSD. In short my recovery became a large organization, multi faceted, employing a large group of people and services, lake a large corporation. Hence the name for this blog, Recovery Inc.

The scope of this recovery has me amazed. I never thought it would become so big. At a care conference there were 12 people, not counting my legal team, reiki, Thai massage and pilates therapists, family, and physicians/surgeons that handled my multi-system care. My team is so big here is a case manager who over seas each professions to ensure every aspect runs smoothly. Despite my profession, I had no idea that recovery from this kind of accident was so large and took so long.

But my amazement is in myself. A year ago I was in rehab, about to be discharged home, barely able to walk. Now I am down to trekking poles, I can walk around my house on my own. I can lift things again. I can do cardio again. I am progressing fast enough in Pilates that another session has been added, one that puts my in charge of my own routine. I have to remember the order of my program, how to set up and run the equipment, and the techniques needed to do the exercise and do it well. My pilates instructor still prompts me but she said I accelerated quickly enough to her having to rethink the course of my program. Even my PT seems impressed, not only with my progress, but with pilates as a whole. High five, Pilates!

I still have so far to go. But when I think back to where I was last December, and where I am now, I am truly amazed. I've come so far. Farther than I thought I could. The human body is incredible. If I have any wonder it's in this body of mine. I was able to heal a severe break and survive an even worse trauma. The fact that I am walking is incredible. I wish I could remember this when things seem bleak or when I am being hard on myself.

So there, wonder. Not shock and awe a la Bush administration, but visceral, cerebral wonder. High my constitution you. Couldn't have done it without you. :)